Memorial Day

Just thought I'd share a little about what I've learned about the Lakota culture when it comes to Memorial Day...

They clean their loved ones grave(s), put flowers on it to honor them, and spend the majority of the day at the cemetery. The American Legion here started going around from graveyard to graveyard performing taps and 21 gun salutes at 6:00 a.m. They didn't finish until well in the afternoon. It is a huge celebration, honoring those who have given their lives for this country... this country that fought so hard to destroy them and their culture. They are warriors who have fought for freedom when they were not allowed to have any...

I don't ever remember it being like this at home... I remember camping trips and swimming Memorial Day weekend... amazing how the things that should be important get glossed over at different times...

I have found many similarities between how I grew up and the behaviors of my family, and that of some of the families I have met here. It's been a comforting thing, finding common ground. It feels odd, having my heart here yet also in South Carolina. This reservation feels very much like home... and it kind of scares me.... but in a good way... God is good, all the time.... All the time, God is good.

Relatively quiet on the prairie

The past couple of days have been pretty quiet. The first group left, and I'm definitely missing them. Who knew Episcopalians could be so fun! :p My first week has come and gone with many confidence building moments. I gave two homilies this week, offered a blessing over a community meal, and have an amazing place to take my project. It was the best - maybe even the most productive - first week in a new place I can remember having. God has many great things in store for this summer.

I saw disappointment and frustration in the kids... I felt powerless to be able to change it, too. Many of the kids love to double-dutch jump rope. To do this, though, it honestly takes two capable adults/teenagers; in the least, two people of relatively similar height and turning abilities. Once the Virginia group left Friday, it left us down 4 adults and no one able to turn for as long as I can (yeah... me and my mad jump rope skills). At first, the kids kept switching who was turning with me and it worked alright. But with such a difference in height and turning abilities, I saw the oldest one jumping (she's really good at it!) roll her eyes and walk away. After that we ended up tying one end to a couch while I turned one rope. Yee-haw. I felt down at that point. This ministry is a safe place they can come, hear a message, receive at least one good meal a week, and play. I know I can't give everyone what they want and be everything to everyone... I just wish I hadn't had to think, "It'll be better when the next group comes." Because what if there isn't a next group? What would happen if there wasn't. What if the few white people of this nation that are aware of what's going on on reservations quit caring, quit coming. Why do some people that know not do anything? How can I make more people care....

... guess things aren't as quiet as I first thought....

Today was good. I "enjoyed" Wall Drug. I went to a wax museum... and just as I suspected it was one of the creepiest places ever. I paid $15 to go through the Badlands National Park because I put in "scenic" route on my GPS (that's what I'm figuring anyway). I got pretty p/oed because I see it kinda regularly... for free. Score another point for Native Americans. You can't sell what God created... I bought a stuffed white buffalo. I'd bet $10 the last person who bought one just did it because "it's pretty and different" not because they knew the significance... and yes, I do know.... It was entertaining to get off the reservation and see something I had never seen... I decided since I was going to go back by way of Rapid City to just drive the extra 50 miles and head over the Wyoming boarder. I bought my grammy another shot glass, which makes 3 so far this summer... my goal is 5 new states for her collection... I stopped at a rest area, got a map, and navigated my way back to Pine Ridge without the GPS. I'm pretty proud of myself for that.... It was nice coming back... scary how much it felt like coming home...

If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all up tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees ~Toby Mac, "City on Our Knees"

The silver lining of the day...

It was so late and I had so much on my mind that I forgot about the real highlights of my day! The first was during kid's time... There were these two young ones - 5 years old at the most - and they had the tea set out. So of course, I had to go join :) I'm pretty sure they were very entertained by having this adult come over and pretend with them! Their smiles and openness warmed my heart. The next was Kelly Looking Horse coming over after dinner. The passion he shows in his stories causes so many emotions to rise within me... but it concluded on a fun note with all the men learning to drum! It reminded of the communion table... sort of! Here's people from all different backgrounds and races gathered around this one drum... making music, beating as one, sharing. Communion should be all - no matter what - gathered at the table together, sharing, making music, hearts beating as one...

Peace, smiles, and blessings to all! God has more amazement in store for today :)

Why are you here?

That's the question Kelly asked each individual of the group that's staying here. All had their unique and inspiring reasons, which led me to think of mine... I haven't really talked about it because in all honesty... I'm not 100% sure. Yes, I'm earning field hours and I'm getting to spend time with some amazing kids at the same time.... but that's not the only reason I'm here.

I felt God calling me back is the real reason I'm here. I had already made up my mind by mid-April that since my 2 emails hadn't seemed to yield any way to get back I was resolved I was going to be in South Carolina for the summer. I had already made the arrangements to be in SC.... then the email response came, a quick phone call, another, and *BAM*.... I'm back in South Dakota for the summer. Life is crazy... God is good and His purposes are to be followed... so I'm here... and loving it... God is here, guiding all I do... from making sandwiches to having a make believe tea party with make believe cookies, sandwiches, and cake.

I struggle with telling this... but I feel compelled because my heart goes out to this man... I quasi-laugh when all I really want to do is cry for him.... For some time here today, I was the only person in the building, and answering the door is part of this... there are a few of the elders who sit outside of the center when they don't have work, and they do something no person should do in their right mind.... so one of them, after partaking in such activities, comes up to the door... I answer... he asks me to wash his plate, I decided I would so I bring said plate inside, wash, and take it back to him... I then get asked for a plastic bag for it... I felt it wasn't a huge request, so I got him one... then I got asked about coffee... I know I'm not supposed to give cups out, so I quasi-lied and just gave him 50 cents instead (which probably wasn't much better... but prayers told me to!)... and then.... *sigh* the question(s) I knew that were coming... "Are you married?", etc, "Will you think about me?"... the man was old enough to be my father.... flattering, yet not... My heart goes out these elders. I just wish I knew a way to make people stop feeling sorry for themselves. I pray for guidance as my time here goes on...

Lord, listen to Your children praying, Lord, send Your spirit in this place; Lord, listen to Your children praying, Send us love, send us pow'r, send us grace!

My first weekend...

... was a little insane. I've never been one to experience much homesickness, but I had a HUGE case of it Saturday. Major. Like, trying to keep myself from crying all day and hide it from everyone. Thank God for the Dirty Ju in my life :) I told God what I needed to hear, and He gave it to me through her. Amazing...

Sunday was wonderful. We worshipped at Makasan (pronounced without the "n" since it's Lakota) Presbyterian where services start at "10:30, sharp." Comically, they never do because we wait to make sure all that may be coming have arrived. It's a beautiful thing. There's a total of 51 people on the membership roster, and there were 9 people the week before - this included people from at least one group that was staying here or at Makasan. It's a beautiful little church. I'll have to take pictures and post.

In the afternoon we went driving. Did I mention that a group of 4 people got here on Saturday? That's probably part of what has made things a little better. They're wonderful people. Of course, most of the Episcopalians I know are! ;) We went all around the reservation. We saw the Stronghold and stopped at the trading post where we met Steve Emery. Amazing man with a beautiful voice...

Today, I've cleaned up my office and moved in! It's more than I thought I would get and maybe even more than I need... but when I start working on my approval essay I may take that musing back! It's nice to have a place to separate "work" and "home," though. I'll probably leave my computer in here, too. I'm about to get ready to make sandwiches, so I guess I'll get off here...

God of tempest, God of whirlwind, as on Pentecost descend! Drive us out from sheltered comfort; past these walls your people send! Sweep us into costly service, there with Christ to bear the cross, there with Christ to bear the cross! Amen.

~First verse, God of Tempest, God of Whirlwind

Culture Shock

Just thought I would make a few comments...

1. I experienced more culture shock today than I did my first visit... maybe it was actually seeing where the kids live... or the need for sleep

2. Greatest comment of the day: "Let's turn the TV off. It's distracting us."!!!! I love these kids :)

3. I had to force myself to stay up until 8:30 (Mountain). It's time to shower and go to bed.

God, I thank you for protecting my as South Dakota journey began on Wednesday. Guide me to do your will in this place at this time. Be with my family and friends as they travel and go about their business. Bring us safely together again some day. Thank you for the relationships that are already founded in this place, and my you bless their continual growth. To You be all the glory, honor, and praise. Amen.

driving from one south to the other

I'm finally finished with papers and classes and have said the goodbyes I had time for... and have arrived safely in South Dakota! I thought I was going to post as I drove, but I ended up not feeling like it by the time I got to the hotels. So this will be a summary of the past 2 and 1/2 days...

Day 1: Wednesday got started late. I had planned to leave by 7, 7:30 (Eastern) and ended up leaving Columbia at 8:30. Normally, this would be upsetting... but somehow from the beginning of my road trip I feel a change within me. I had no worries, got myself up and together, was happy for the extra sleep, and headed out. God was my guide for this trip and there was a reason and a plan! I drove through Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, and most of Illinois - about 745 miles - stopping right outside the Missouri line at Saint Louis. It was an incredible ride! I made it through Atlanta with no problems (just stress!) and Nashville was nice to see. Kentucky was the first state I had never seen, and I thought of a friend who went to basic at Fort Campbell. Illinois was interesting only because I had never been through before. It was hard to make myself stop before it got too dark! I wanted to press on, but I knew I needed to stop. Unfortunately, I ended up picking a sketchy hotel (I stopped at a McDonald's to use free wi-fi and find a place). Even so, I stayed calm, reminded myself it was only one night, and remembered that God had brought me here for a reason and would protect me.

Day 2: Thursday was not really entertaining. It started off pretty awesome - I saw the St. Louis Arch for the 2nd time in my life - but once I got past St. Louis I got bored because there wasn't much! Missouri was LONG, went a few miles through Iowa, then a few through Nebraska, then back into Iowa, and finally getting into South Dakota. Iowa... irked me - the nice way of putting it. Their road construction tactics left much to be desired! At least it kept me paying attention... I got into Sioux Falls, SD around 5:30 (Central) that evening, so I checked in - to a much nicer hotel :) - at my hotel, got my overnight bags situated and decided to be adventurous ;) I went out to eat at a Cracker Barrel (in honor of my parents and Milton and Sue who are on vaca) and then down to the Wal Mart to buy a jacket (it was rainy and cold, and apparently I forgot to pick mine up as I left) and some ice cream. The rest of the night was spent double checking how many more miles I had to go, updating people, etc. Another good day, praise be to God!

Day 3: Today has been wonderful, yet overwhelming at the same time. It was amazing driving across the reservation, noticing places and things I had seen before (even though last time they were covered in snow!). Once I pulled in, an array of emotions came over me... I can't believe I'm here... I miss my family... I miss my dog... I'm excited and anxious for what God has in store... He already did some amazing things out on the road. Today, as I was driving down Highway 73 this feeling came over me, and I knew there was no other place I was supposed to be at that moment that on that road, on the way to Pine Ridge. I cried. I had been thinking earlier - since that's about all you can do on the road - about the past, what almost was, things I wish I had.... then I realized that I wouldn't have been on that open road, I wouldn't be in seminary, I wouldn't be being true to myself and my God. God has done so much in my life since 2007, and I am thankful beyond words. After today, I feel like I've finally let go of the anger I had with myself... and I am truly thankful for not being married right now. There is more to this life than what I was settling for, and God's grace has truly shined on me as I have re-entered and stayed in the fold.

My prayer right now is for guidance since I have finally arrived. God has brought me here for reason and it's now time to start seeking it out...

Food for thought: Over the past weeks/months, the Eucharist and our eating habits have been on my mind... the connection between the table the Lord sets to the one we set before one another. It's a powerful connection for me that has brought more meaning to Eucharist for me... no details... just think about it...

May God bless you, keep you, and preserve you until we meet again.

Peace

There's a light...

As my second semester and first year of grad school come to a close, I can't help but to look back at the road that brought me here.... and thank God everyday. The pain and hurt and humiliation sometimes still haunts me.... but I'm happier now than I ever would have been.

And as the school year comes to an end, I can't help but look forward... and thank God... as well feel a little overwhelmed! There's so much to do before I leave this summer. I've never been this far away from South Carolina for such an extended period of time when I leave in two weeks.

I just realized that in two weeks I start driving to South Dakota. In two weeks I leave my family, my friends... Scottie. The funny thing is I think I'll miss my Scottie boy the most! Somehow this dog has been through it all and still loves me. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I've never felt completely alone with him beside me... this will be a change...

I'm starting this blog to document my journey to, in, and then home from South Dakota. I'm not exactly sure what I may end up helping with or witnessing, but I hope to learn more. I hope to be changed more. January was an amazing immersion. I want to dive deeper into the Lakota culture and their way of believing. I want to learn how their spirituality fits into the Christian faith, and the Lutheran Confessions. I really hope the kids remember me... so they'll know that there are those who eventually come back.

I'm one research paper, one take home test, and three exams from being able to get my stuff together. One day at a time, though, as I have been for almost three years now... God is great and does amazing things. Thank you, Lord, for the love you have shown me, and for the opportunities to learn and grow you continue to share with me. I have come back to the fold and I pray I remain here always. Amen.